September 2018 I thought I was going to go back to college to start my last year of college. It was going to be epic. Why? Because I planned on rooming with my best friend, down the hall would be my sorority "little", some other sisters, and a couple other friends. I only have about 5 more classes to complete my major so filling up credit hours as a full time student would be easy. That's what I thought. Of course, life had other plans for me. At first, I thought I was bloated- you know as most women experience in life but for some reason my bloating was getting bigger.. and bigger. About two weeks had passed and my abdomen was so distended it looked like I was about 8 months pregnant. Yikes. Then on my birthday, I went to eat Korean BBQ with my friend- my appetite had already decreased so much but I thought this would taste good and help. Nope, for the first time, I threw up all the food I'd eaten within 10 minutes. Damnit. After that, I made a doctor's appointment. My appetite, throwing up food, the bloating, something was wrong. I visited my doctor's office more than once and they wrote me off as being constipated and gave me some anti-gas medications and stool softening recommendations. No luck. It wasn't until I visited a gynecologist who actually decided to feel my abdomen and said that I probably had a tumor on an ovary and ordered a CT scan. Well, the fluid in my abdomen made me so uncomfortable that I ended up going to the ER where they finally took out 3.5L of fluid, called ascites. I had a CT and an ultrasound of the area and nothing. The shipped the fluid off to be tested. It seemed to take forever before my doctor got back to me saying that the fluid had several suspicious cells but was inconclusive and ordered an endoscopy. I wasn't really sure what to expect but since things didn't seem to be going well, I just hoped for something minor. No. I woke up from the procedure and the nurse handed us a sheet of paper that said there was a mass in my stomach that was concerning for cancer. Fuck. I don't think that I fully realized the situation then. I sort of refused to believe it.
October 11th, I will never forget that day. I'd decided to go to the ER once more because the fluid had built up again (another 3.5L), and that was when I got the call back from the gastroenterologist. She had the results. Cancer. Sure cancer had been something thrown out before but I just didn't want to believe it but this call made it real. Not just early cancer, stage 4, metastatic. After I got the call, my mom who was sitting at the foot of my hospital bed burst into tears. She's really not the type of person to cry and scream but she did. Even today, two months later, I can't really say much about how I felt that day. I cried a lot. There was one ER nurse who was particularly nice. When my mom stepped out of the ER, she came in and we cried together. She gave me a listing of support groups. I was sent upstairs to the hospital where I met my oncologist who was kind enough but also serious. He explained gastric cancers to me and of course my options. I think the thing that reassured me the most was that he said he didn't believe that cancer patients should be in pain. Back then in October I could barely eat. I visited my college friends before starting chemotherapy which was good. It was nice to see everyone but I was scared. So scared. I knew that I was getting thiner and I wanted to eat, I really did but I couldn't. I would throw foods up or things just didn't sound good. At that point, I was so tired. I honestly didn't think I would make it far. Stage 4 cancer. How did it progress so fast? I don't know and maybe I'll never know...
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JiyaJust a 22 year old and her stomach cancer. Archives |